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Single Ladies, I’m Not Asking You to Put Your Hands Up

Women, we need to talk. Why is it that when someone says their relationship status is single, we quickly try to solve the “problem”? We will set them up with friends, flood them with compliments, or just simply say “men are dumb.” Maybe when we hear the word single we think of depressing words like separate, alone, and isolated. These are all synonyms for the dreaded stage of being ~single~.

We tell ourselves so many lies.

I’m forever unwanted and unloved.

Why haven’t I found someone yet?

Isn’t college the time where I am supposed to meet my Prince Charming and get my life figured out?

Why are there no good men left?

Questioning your singleness is normal, but often we become fixated on the why’s. Instead of asking ourselves why we don’t have a boyfriend, see if we are even in a stage of life for a relationship. Are you dating to marry or dating because you are bored? Do you have the time to truly get to know someone right now or does your schedule consume you? Are you dealing with a past relationship and need time to heal? Do you know and love yourself without a man or are you trying to fill that gap? Are you the woman you want to be when your future husband comes around? These are tough questions that we have to be honest with ourselves about. If we get into a relationship without thinking, it can become harmful for both parties involved.

Throughout college, I’ve seen women throw themselves at men to try and gain attention, but then realized all they gained was a false sense of love. Men fake love for sex and women have sex to feel love. Let me let you in on a secret, you can do better. You don’t need to lower your standard for it to be achieved. In fact, raise it! We all secretly, or not so secretly, have a list in our head of qualities we’d love our future man to have. Go beyond physical looks here ladies. Instead, find qualities with meaning like being thoughtful, loving his family, and having passions. These traits last longer than looks.

No, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be attracted to the man you want to date. You should be. I’m saying, stop throwing men off your list who are 5’10 because you wrote down 6’3. When you focus too much on a list, you lose sight of what might be right in front of you. While looking in front of you, take a look at yourself. You can’t expect anything if you haven’t put any work into yourself. Be confident in who you are and recognize that you deserve better than flimsy love.

Don’t waste your time comparing your life to others around you, especially ones you only see through social media. Don’t waste the time of being single either. Learn about who you are, what motivates you, and gain a sense of independence. Don’t allow your relationship status to dictate your life.

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